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Well I'm calling this "after Simon" it is for the role play that I am involved in but (hopefuly) won't happen for a long time. 

Gawain doesn’t fully understand.  He doesn’t understand what he and William are to each other, or why he needs to be with William.  He doesn’t understand the bond they share, but he does know that it has not been fully investigated.  He knows they could be so much closer, if either of them cared to try: cared to test the bond that runs from one young man to the other like a silver chain linking hart to hart. Gawain fancies he could read William’s mind; go beyond the vague images and sensing the emotions of his partner.  That is, if he cared to.  He doesn’t.  He doesn’t want to let William in that far.  For all of the love that he feels for William, he knows that taking that step is not something he has the courage to do.  

 He also knows that at some point he may not have a choice.

 Simon had no choice when Fay held him back from death.  So it would be for Gawain as well.  William has the same strength of will as his mother, and if (god forbid) anything happened to Gawain, William would hold him back from death with the shear force of that will.  Gawain knows William would do that, because William never goes without. Gawain thinks that William doesn’t quite understand what broadening the bond would mean.  But Gawain knows that in the end it would mean this…

 He sighs as he watches William try to comfort his mother.   William thinks he can understand what she is feeling but Gawain is fairly certain that Fay is feeling – well Fay is feeling nothing.  The part of her that could feel has gone on with Simon.  The loss of her husband was more than that.  It was a loss of herself.  Half of everything that she is was now gone. 

 William had been trying to talk to her for days now. 

 She must have been sitting with the body for hours before anyone found them.  In the stables, everything seems to happen in the stables.   Simon was cold by the time they were found.  And Fay – Fay was looking into the distance.  She was watching something, Gawain was sure of it; possibly Simon’s departing soul – or maybe something only Seers of her caliber could see.  No one asked her and if they had Gawain doubts she would have said anyway. 

 William seems to have given up on trying to make his mother talk.  Now he is just sitting silently holding her hands in his.  Gawain approaches slowly, worried that his presence will upset Fay- a reminder of what she had lost.  But she smiles at him.  Gawain kneels down next to Fay, placing his hand over her and William’s joined hands. 

 “He said I made a mistake…” Fay says, her voice just above a whisper.

 “What-” William starts but Gawain waves him to silence.

 “Simon.  It was the last thing he said to me.  That holding him here had been a mistake.  That he should have died all those years ago… never seen his children… never-” she chokes off in a sob.  Gawain thinks there will be more, but he is disappointed.  Fay simply pulls her hand away, stands and leaves the room.  William watches her go silently and then his head falls to Gawain’s shoulder. 

 “I can’t imagine,” William says.

 “What, love?”  

“Being without you.”

Gawain doesn’t respond at first, he just puts a supportive arm around William, drawing him nearer and kissing the top of his head, “Don’t worry, you don’t have to think about it for a long time.” 



( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 21st, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)
I don't wanna think about it....*snif

(it's good tho)
Feb. 21st, 2005 11:55 pm (UTC)
It's gonna happen eventualy... the question is when- right now it's looking later rather than sooner.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )