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The Beginning

First off - I decided to work on the post civil war story. I’m moving fairly slowly because I haven’t gotten the world worked out yet - I’ve only managed a little less than 3K on it this week.

Most of my creative friends tell me that pain completely stops creativity for them. I have the opposite feeling about pain. It is a good thing I do, since I feel pain every moment of every day and have since 1985. How I got to where I am is sort of a long story and will probably take a few posts - but I’ve promised a few people that I would tell my story.

When I was seven I started horseback riding. I know people think that you can only ride if you are super wealthy. That wasn’t true in the seventies, it may be true now, I don’t know.

When I was thirteen I won a horse in an essay contest. I wrote five essays about care and my training philosophy and what have you. When she was two years old and I was training her we were shot at.

Horses, especially young horses, don’t like being shot at and she turned into a crazy bucking bronco. I was unseated and fell across the saddle.

I want to say it hurt, but all I remember is numbness and coldness in my left leg.

nbsp;  That was the start of 27 years of treatment, and searching and eventually a diagnosis.  Because my symptoms were all in my leg they didn’t think to look at my back until 2005 or so.

Knowing that I broke my back at 15 hasn’t changed my life much. I still take the same medications and do the same exercises. I try not to let the pain control me.

In fact I try to control it. I meditate and do yoga and try to keep myself as active as I can. In fact I have a job that involves being on my feet all day and a lot of heavy lifting. I try to stay as fit as I can and I do a lot of walking meditation.

I know most people see pain as something that stops you, I try to look at it as a way to focus myself and my life. I look at my accident as a basically positive. I may not have the life I though I would have but I never would have had as creative a life as I do now without that accident.

So pain is a creative, not a destructive force in my life.

How about you guys? Do you have things that you thought would be a hindrance that turned out to be a blessing?


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 21st, 2013 12:09 pm (UTC)
He was poaching - it was out of deer season, we were in an area where hunting is never allowed even in state season and I was riding in a ring directly behind a house. I was also in Hot Pink so I don't think he though I was a deer.

Oh yeah - mentaly I went through a lot with it. Pain patents are suposed to be screened for PTSD every few years so it isn't like I can't get help if I wanted.

I can see that about emotinal pain - that can spur a lot of creative work.

Moving like you did is a lot and you totaly turned your world upsidedown! I think the learning and Mark are worth it though.
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 22nd, 2013 11:55 am (UTC)
Yeah, mosto of us have PTSD to one extent or another. If you know every motion is going to hurt your brain has to do a lot of juglling. And it's that chronic stress that is mostly likely to give you PTSD - it's like your body is a war zone I guess.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )